Hidden Torah Student

I had been going back and forth trying to figure out how to start this blog and what to name it. I figured the best way to do so is an introductory post of sorts. Simply to answer, Why choose to be a Hidden Torah Student?

I have had the opportunity to go to a Jewish school much of my childhood. I was a teacher myself for a brief moment as I volunteered at a synagogue many years ago teaching Hebrew and Judaism. I also had the honor of learning in the Chabbad Lubavitch community in Israel. As I continued my Jewish Learning Journey I also was learning more about myself.

In another chapter in my life I was learning a lot about myself. In middle school and high school I was shutting my Lesbian side out, I had more shame for myself than anyone in my life did. I as a student of religion struggled to understand that side of myself. As I grew up trying to understand it, I became happier, I opened myself up, accepted that one aspect of me cannot survive without the other, and as I continued my Jewish studies I understood there was no shame to be had.

The difficulties came to be that not many people understand how one could live a religiously Jewish life while accepting their sexual orientation. As I became close with those in the LGBTQ+ community, it was difficult for them to understand how one could accept religion and sexuality. Although one cannot live without the other. On the other hand even my family cannot see how one could be a pious woman and accept their sexuality. As though once I came out I was no longer religious. How can one keep kosher while gay, after all?

Along with this was the ever growing experience of anti-Semitic acts and comments. I now live in a world where I am more hated for being Jewish than I am for being a lesbian. Again I felt as though one could not live with the other. I had been living in a community where I couldn’t be Jewish because I was a lesbian. I couldn’t represent my Judaism at work without some harsh comments, I had to step on eggshells with some people and g-d forbid I mention Torah or Israel.

I have begun living this life quietly studying on my own. I don’t belong to any synagogue, I can’t pinpoint what sect of Judaism I belong to but I have been inspired by reading Ram Bam and I needed a place to write about the lessons I learn as I continue my Jewish Journey. Perhaps too I will touch others on the way.