I have had a rough few days this past week. I have lost a friend, a cousin who just lost his battle with PTSD. My heart has been trying to figure out what it is feeling. I don’t get to see my cousins often. They live in Israel and I live in the States. Every so often they come to visit and I have gone to Israel to visit. This young wonderful boy who was lost at the age of 27 was someone I looked forward to visit. Him and his siblings were family that I rarely saw or spoke to but had the wonderful feeling when we came together that time never past.
There is a part of me that feels as though I don’t have the right to be so taken by the loss and a part of me who remember each moment we spent together as family. Another aspect is that we both struggled with the past creeping up every night as nightmares, as moments in time that trigger memories, and as moments we want to leave behind. Truth I thought he was going to be the one who found his way back to what makes him happy and find a way to get past each trigger that comes along. He was the one who had his family, his friends, and his faith. This broke me because even in what would be a strong environment to heal he was lost.
How am I coping? really I am not but I am in the mindset that this has happened just under a week before probably one of the more celebratory holidays, Purim! I have been one of those people who has always loved Purim for so many reason and I am pleased to say that this is keeping my spirits up.
Purim is one that celebrates the strength of women. Particularly looking at Queen Esther as a woman who may not have been spiritual but felt her connection to her people and understood her responsibility as a woman who had power. Esther marrying the King of Persia at first kept her Jewish identity silent until she needed to speak up. She fought for her people, for her family, and for herself. This was not done lightly either. As she feared what would happen if she did speak up she fasted, prayed and asked Hashem for strength to do her part. Answers were given and she changed what would happen next.
Esther was not the only hero in the story as her uncle, Mordechai who was in the shadows protecting his niece who he raised was a man of faith. He was so dedicated to being a Jewish man he refused to bow to any man, he stood up for moral rights of everyone in Persia and he risked himself being harmed in order to save the King.
We also have to look at the King who could have been seen as an antagonist in the story and becomes the weapon that Esther relies on to save her people. King Achashverosh does not seem like the good man that many religious people would see as a moral compass considering he dumps his first wife for Not dancing naked for his guests, he picks Queen Esther for nothing other than her beauty and he also listens almost only to his right hand man, Haman who was truly an evil man. What makes him so important, he is a depiction of Persia a place that may not have been Hashem’s expectation of living by his law but there was progress and Achashverosh depicts a time in Persia where there was peace for the Jewish people.
Because Mordechai saved the king, because Esther asked for Hashem’s help and went to the king, because the king was saved and actually did grow to love Esther; Haman’s choice in date to kill all the Jews of Persia became his own demise. It is a Domino affect that shows that strength and the choice to help others pays off.
I am still at a loss in this moment in time but perhaps baking terribly made hamantaschen, booing while reading Haman’s name in the scroll of Esther, and celebrating a win for the Jewish people just perhaps I can get out of this sad moment in life. This holiday is a reminder to celebrate all the wins.
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