I know I am not the only one affected by October 7 and the current continuation of a war being fought on all fronts. I find myself on social media, Instagram and Facebook waiting on those updates organizations like StandWithUs post about the kidnapped and the lost soldiers. I know the outcome for one family friend is at best coming back home in a body bag, while another had the blessing of being rescued. I continue to pray for those going back in as soldiers, hope for the ones still kidnapped and beg for this not to continue.
I also will find myself cheering. We have seen a number of Hamas leadership fall, Houthi’s are just one attack from being completely desecrated, And Hezbollah is one decision from choosing their own fate.
I Have been feeling guilt for the moments we get to celebrate and recently brought myself back into studying, asking questions as to why feel the guilt of winning, and why is it that we innately celebrate death.
This goes back to the Israelites being freed from Egypt. As g-d turned to the angels telling them not to sing in celebration. all while in Shemot Miriam has everyone sing and rejoice celebrating what Hashem has done for them.
In Soloman we discuss how the goal is for the wicked to change ways and become morally aware hoping for their redemption yet Soloman says to celebrate the end to the evil.
I am reminded by these moments that it isn’t about celebrating the death of a human but our ability to be strong and protect ourselves. Mi Chamocha what the Israelites sing in Shemot doesn’t rejoice in the death of the Egyptians but rather praises g-d for his miracle and hope for the life of freedom. Soloman doesn’t say celebrate the death of a human but rather that evil has been defeated.
This year has definitely been a mix of emotions, a whirlwind of wondering what is the right mindset, the right thing to do, the right way to be. We live in this world where everyone believes there is one right way to be but there really isn’t. I can feel happy for a win in a war that isn’t a war anyone wants to celebrate. I can feel absolutely terrible for innocent Palestians and Israelis as well be happy that Hamas is being taken out and that there is a process of an overhaul of the Israeli government. I can be broken by the loss of one and healed by the rescue of another. I can be grateful that I am not in this war with them but also feel absolute panic that I don’t have first hand visual as to what’s happening.
We are complex in spirituality, in moral driven choices, in who we are. This year if anything is proof of that.
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